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my landlord
my love
my boss
why is Largo doing that?
kiri
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Wednesday, December 29, 2004
11:27 p.m.
yeah, so it's been for freakin ever since i have even touch this peice of shit.
anyways, anyone out there who even remembers that this thing exisits, kudos to you, and all that happy bullshit, tonight, it is about me, i have had a realization, not an epiphany, not a revelation, just a crappy realization. how many of my freinds are on my "call anytime, day, night, death do us come, call me" list? don't know if i can name all y'all off at the moment, but you know what, you're on there for a reason, i care about you, i love you, you are family, and my family can call me at any time. and yes, you freakin skeptics, there are guys on this list too. these are the few that are my brothers, i have many sisters, and other female freinds, but for all i would lay down my life, whitch is why they are on this list, but then, why do i complain about, why not trim the list? i don't cut my list down because i know if i do, i'll regret it, sure i don't call everybody to see how they are doing, and no i don't know if they are comfortable with calling me with a problem, but i know they know that they can, and that i part of the point, whitch brings me to mine, who do I have to call? who won't care if I call them at three in the morning, needing to bare my soul to them in MY time of need, or when I have a problem bigger than I can handle? i don't want people to email me, or im me, or even call me giving me their pity replys of "you can call me anytime you need to" not that it is pity, but i don't have alot of people that i can trust in that way, i have people that i would put my life into their hands at a moments notice, but i know my life is temporary, but my soul... that's something completely differnt, i think i had one person that i could trust, only one, and now i don't get to talk to her at all, maybe an email once every couple of months, but that's it, bareing my soul is much more than a loving relationship, i couldn't even do that to my ex-gf, i can't do that to the one man i consider my brother, i can't do that to even my older sister, nor my little sisters, i know i am not alone, but the burden that i carry is mine to bear until i can find someone that i can trust enough to bare my soul to, someone who would understand, not in the "yeah, i know what you're sayin" way, but in the way of "i'm here to help, even if all i can do is offer you a kind ear and a gentle touch to give you strength to carry on" is it too much to ask to have one person to be that freind, that brother or that sister to help me with my purpose in life, my mission? and i know that as a mere mortal, i cannot understand, or conceive what the Lord has set before me as my purpose, but i was wondering can i have just one person to help me on my way to achieving it? even if all they are is a level spot on the trail to rest at?
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